I've been considering for some time about getting rid of all of my children's toys that were not made in the USA. Only because I've heard some things about other countries not regulating the chemicals used in paints and plastics. Now, my dilemma's are 1. that I would be getting rid of toys that were given as gifts to my children and 2. If I donate them, I don't want these toys to go to other children and they be harmed by the leaching chemicals because their parents are ignorant to this knowledge or just don't care or don't believe it. I'm not gonna lie, I was ignorant to this before I started researching it a little. So, does anyone know how to help me solve my problems with this situation? Also, I try to tell people before birthdays and other holidays that I only want toys made in America and preferably BPA free if its plastic, but it doesn't seem to get through to them... And I'm not too worried about my oldest sons toys because he doesn't chew on them like my baby does his. But my oldest still has too many toys, I want to get rid of so much!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Some elaborations on my mothering
I am in no way saying that I am the perfect mother or I am the only right mother (after all, every child's needs are different and every parents value's and morals are also different). I am not even saying that I know how to be the best parent in the world. I am only saying that I am a "working at it" mother. I will always work to give my children what they need. And I will do it the best way I know how and continue to learn how to improve our lives the best way possible.
In my last blog I went through the quick points of what I think is important for my children to learn and be exposed to. I also forgot to add in some things like teaching my children not to cheat or steal. Both of which hurt many people when done. There are many forms of cheating... cheating in a game, cheating on tests, cheating in relationships. All of which are unfair to the people around. I've never felt the the need to cheat on a test before mainly because when I take a test I like to know where I stand in my own knowledge. If I need to make improvements and such or I get to rejoice in the awesome job I did if I do well. There's nothing like the feeling of accomplishment when you've done the job yourself. This is one of the many reasons why I put every drop of blood, sweat, and tears into my children. If they are being raised with all my effort then I know I am doing my job.
As far as stealing goes, well, let me just tell you a little story. My family and I were in a store and as we were walking out, my oldest son pulls a pack of gum out of his pocket. I asked him where he got it and he told me he took it from the store. He told me the truth, reluctantly. So I took him back in the store and told him to give it to the door greeter. The door greeter took it and knelt down to my son's height and said Thank You for bringing this back, You know it's never okay to steal. As we walked out of the store, my son said he would never steal again. He felt so ashamed and guilty for this that since then, he has never stolen anything. I also gave him examples that put it into real life perspective to a child, like, if he had a toy that was special to him and one day it came up missing and he found out someone took it then how would he feel? I know it was just a pack of gum... but even something that small shouldn't be stolen. I've seen some of my friends with their kids say oh it's just a toy, that store won't miss it. That's not what I want my children to learn. As they get older, the things they want become more and more expensive and I feel if this lesson isn't taught early enough the habit will not die until they have gotten in so much trouble with it that they aren't able to come back from it. People can change, I understand that. But they have to learn how to do better.
I feel like I didn't elaborate enough on some of my points yesterday. I feel like I kind of got off on a tangent and ended my blog in a rush. So here goes. I don't want people to think I am a parental control freak. Because I'm not. I don't feel like I have to control every situation. I feel like I have to supervise and teach my children good morals. Yes, some parents believe that their children should free play all day and do what they want because that's what kids do. Well, I think free play is fine until the kid starts talking about things like "Lets kill him" and "I hate you". I absolutely do not like the word "hate". Mainly because people use it so much for things that should be more of a dislike. The only thing I "hate" is evil. I don't hate a person, ever. I "hate" the evil acts that they do... but I always have the benefit of hope gleaming through that tells me, hey, what they did, they didn't mean to do and they can change and realize their mistakes and they are capable of feeling compassion. I can always forgive the person, but never the sin. So this is one thing I need my kids to know. Also, killing any person isn't okay. I am not a judge or a jury or God for that matter. And no, I don't think God is a murderer. I think God chooses when it is our time to be called to heaven. I am not saying anyone else's views on this are right or wrong, I am just saying this is what I believe. So that being said, I know there are scenario's that people can bring up that they think would be okay to kill another human being. Like, what about bad guys. What if someone broke into your house and tried to rape and murder your whole family? What would you do? In that case I'm sure my protective instincts would take control over my mind, body, and spirit and I'm not sure what I would do then. I just pray for my families safety every day and night and do whatever measures I can to prevent that from happening. My point is that I don't feel it is an person's place to kill another human being. I actually read a post on a certain social website that someone had put up. It was about some illegal immigration thing that happened. I guess over 3500 illegal immigrants got drivers license due to an inside job. I hadn't heard about this other than that posting. The person that posted said if it were up to them they would hold anyone involved up to a wall and shoot them in the head for being traitors. Honestly??? I immediately thought to myself, 'Why would someone have such a strong urge to kill another human being over some man made law?' Don't get me wrong, I know every country has very strict immigration laws and I know there are reasons for that. The one reason I can think of off the top of my head is that people that live in different countries carry different diseases and we don't need this in our country. There is a legal route that immigrants can take to live in this country. So I think maybe educating people on these legal routes would help a lot. I'm not trying to solve world problems though. So I just wanted to point out that people should watch what they say on these websites because younger kids could see this stuff and it could start sort of a mob mentality on the web of negative thinkers. I mean really some stuff that people post is absolutely horrifying to me. People posting racist remarks is one thing that boggles my mind. I like the quote "God made one race. The human race." I'm not sure who wrote this quote, but whoever did, it's a good one. These are just some things I like to teach my little ones. OK, I need to get back on subject again: one of the ways I've taught my child how to play without killing the bad guy is by telling him to arrest the bad guy and put him in jail instead. Also, I think killing a person that has done wrong is the easy way out for that person. Sometimes I think living their life in prison would be a better punishment... at least that gives them time to think about what they did and how it was wrong and how they can change for the better.
Lets talk about routine now. Children need a routine to feel safe. So we started out with a bedtime routine. My son brushes and flosses his teeth every night at 7 p.m. (sometimes later, every once in a while when we are out somewhere past 7 p.m.). Then he picks out a story and we read it before he gets in bed. I always get him a glass of ice water when he gets into his bed and he falls asleep and is well rested for the next day. We do this every night so that he knows that we are all safe in our house together. And of course there are always hugs and kisses. And when he has a bad dream I tell him to think of only good things to force the bad out of his head. So I start talking about rainbows and flowers and unicorns and his little brother laughing and everybody smiling and it works! You know how I know it works? Because I use to do that as a kid. I also told him to pray about it. He does. Shortly after, he's asleep. I don't like him to stay the night at anyone's house because it breaks him of his routine and he's not old enough to make the correct choices for himself. I know that when he didn't have a routine before and he would stay the night over places he would always come home kicking and screaming telling me he hated me. Since the routine has been in place for a while and we've practice better discipline methods all I hear now is "Mom, you are a great mom." and "I love you" like 15 random times during the day. My heart swells with joy every time I hear those words.
Next I want to talk about diet. I try so hard to get my 6 year old to eat what I put in front of him. It takes persistence just about every night. He really wants to be able to choose his own food every night. I think it's because I used to live by a rule that is terrible to live by if you've got little ones. I used to say as long as he's eating something I'm not worried. Well, that's all fine and dandy but I noticed all he wanted was junk like ramen noodles, cheese puffs, and fruit snacks and corn dogs and ice cream and soda or pop what ever you wanna call it. I do not let him drink caffeinated beverages ever! He is a child he has enough energy.
It's been a real struggle working with him on his diet. I try to have him help me in the kitchen making food as much as possible so that he knows what he is eating and he takes pride in work that he's done and wants to taste his food. We've recently made a new rule that if he gets to the table and immediately says it looks disgusting then he doesn't get to watch his cartoons for 1 week and he gets a time out. I also let him know that it hurts my feelings when I've put so much work into making a healthy well balance mean every night and that's the response I get. I asked him if he worked on something really hard like a drawing or a coloring and he gave it to me and I said it looked ugly and he did a terrible job, how would he feel? That struck something in him because he looked sad that he said the food I prepared was disgusting before he even tasted it and he gave me a hug and said he was very sorry for making me feel that way. I explained to him that I only want the best for him and I wouldn't feed him food that was so terrible he couldn't eat it. We have been slowly improving this area in our lives. As for my littlest one, well, he eats anything and everything. I don't make sour faces when I'm feeding him veggies like I did with my oldest. I would, for some reason, think that babies don't like baby food vegetable and meats because I thought it was gross. Well, I didn't realize back then that I was acclimated to salty foods myself and thought baby foods were bland and I didn't think that my baby needed to eat things that tasted bland to me. Wow, I was totally wrong. I literally did not know the first thing about parenting with my first child. Now, I have grown to research things and have taken college courses to learn more about children and parenting and I've even seen 2 child psychologists that have helped me understand my children better and have helped me become the mother I am today.
Growing up I always had a t.v. I don't remember sitting in front of it 24/7 because my parents had activities planned for us and the t.v. seemed to be their thing to watch news and sports games. Every once in a while we would watch movies on it. So I didn't really think about t.v. as being such a problem and getting my own place I would think of cable as a necessary bill until I noticed some behavioral differences in my 6 year old. I used to think the t.v. was a free babysitter. Ha! Was I wrong. I started seeing the ads and the messages that were coming through on some cartoons and began to think a little wiser. I actually got rid of all my t.v.'s for 2 years. I recently bought a t.v. to be able to do the Dance Central 2 and Kinect adventures on Xbox 360 with Kinect. I have rabbit ears for the t.v. so I can watch the news. Well, now my son of course wants to watch t.v. every chance he gets. I have to make him go play in his room or outside and he only gets a certain allotted amount of time to watch t.v. I heard there were some studies done that showed the brain waves at their lowest while watching t.v., even lower than when a person sleeps. So when my child watches t.v. now, it has to be educational and only for 1-2 hours a day. It's the same with video games. The video games are included in that 1-2 hours a day.
I'm trying to be everything that my children need. I have my slip ups every once in a while. But like I said I am not the perfect mother. And please don't think I am judging anyone's parenting because they don't do it my way. Everyone is different and that's what makes people so great! There's always work to be done and ways to improve.
One of my friends posted this poem on Facebook and I thought it would put a nice touch to this blog.
You are who you are for a reason.
You’re part of an intricate plan.
You’re a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God’s special woman or man.
You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb.
You’re just what He wanted to make.
The parents you had were the ones He chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God’s plan in mind,
And they bear the Master’s seal.
No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into His likeness you’d grow.
You are who you are for a reason,
You’ve been formed by the Master’s rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!
by Russell Kelfer
In my last blog I went through the quick points of what I think is important for my children to learn and be exposed to. I also forgot to add in some things like teaching my children not to cheat or steal. Both of which hurt many people when done. There are many forms of cheating... cheating in a game, cheating on tests, cheating in relationships. All of which are unfair to the people around. I've never felt the the need to cheat on a test before mainly because when I take a test I like to know where I stand in my own knowledge. If I need to make improvements and such or I get to rejoice in the awesome job I did if I do well. There's nothing like the feeling of accomplishment when you've done the job yourself. This is one of the many reasons why I put every drop of blood, sweat, and tears into my children. If they are being raised with all my effort then I know I am doing my job.
As far as stealing goes, well, let me just tell you a little story. My family and I were in a store and as we were walking out, my oldest son pulls a pack of gum out of his pocket. I asked him where he got it and he told me he took it from the store. He told me the truth, reluctantly. So I took him back in the store and told him to give it to the door greeter. The door greeter took it and knelt down to my son's height and said Thank You for bringing this back, You know it's never okay to steal. As we walked out of the store, my son said he would never steal again. He felt so ashamed and guilty for this that since then, he has never stolen anything. I also gave him examples that put it into real life perspective to a child, like, if he had a toy that was special to him and one day it came up missing and he found out someone took it then how would he feel? I know it was just a pack of gum... but even something that small shouldn't be stolen. I've seen some of my friends with their kids say oh it's just a toy, that store won't miss it. That's not what I want my children to learn. As they get older, the things they want become more and more expensive and I feel if this lesson isn't taught early enough the habit will not die until they have gotten in so much trouble with it that they aren't able to come back from it. People can change, I understand that. But they have to learn how to do better.
I feel like I didn't elaborate enough on some of my points yesterday. I feel like I kind of got off on a tangent and ended my blog in a rush. So here goes. I don't want people to think I am a parental control freak. Because I'm not. I don't feel like I have to control every situation. I feel like I have to supervise and teach my children good morals. Yes, some parents believe that their children should free play all day and do what they want because that's what kids do. Well, I think free play is fine until the kid starts talking about things like "Lets kill him" and "I hate you". I absolutely do not like the word "hate". Mainly because people use it so much for things that should be more of a dislike. The only thing I "hate" is evil. I don't hate a person, ever. I "hate" the evil acts that they do... but I always have the benefit of hope gleaming through that tells me, hey, what they did, they didn't mean to do and they can change and realize their mistakes and they are capable of feeling compassion. I can always forgive the person, but never the sin. So this is one thing I need my kids to know. Also, killing any person isn't okay. I am not a judge or a jury or God for that matter. And no, I don't think God is a murderer. I think God chooses when it is our time to be called to heaven. I am not saying anyone else's views on this are right or wrong, I am just saying this is what I believe. So that being said, I know there are scenario's that people can bring up that they think would be okay to kill another human being. Like, what about bad guys. What if someone broke into your house and tried to rape and murder your whole family? What would you do? In that case I'm sure my protective instincts would take control over my mind, body, and spirit and I'm not sure what I would do then. I just pray for my families safety every day and night and do whatever measures I can to prevent that from happening. My point is that I don't feel it is an person's place to kill another human being. I actually read a post on a certain social website that someone had put up. It was about some illegal immigration thing that happened. I guess over 3500 illegal immigrants got drivers license due to an inside job. I hadn't heard about this other than that posting. The person that posted said if it were up to them they would hold anyone involved up to a wall and shoot them in the head for being traitors. Honestly??? I immediately thought to myself, 'Why would someone have such a strong urge to kill another human being over some man made law?' Don't get me wrong, I know every country has very strict immigration laws and I know there are reasons for that. The one reason I can think of off the top of my head is that people that live in different countries carry different diseases and we don't need this in our country. There is a legal route that immigrants can take to live in this country. So I think maybe educating people on these legal routes would help a lot. I'm not trying to solve world problems though. So I just wanted to point out that people should watch what they say on these websites because younger kids could see this stuff and it could start sort of a mob mentality on the web of negative thinkers. I mean really some stuff that people post is absolutely horrifying to me. People posting racist remarks is one thing that boggles my mind. I like the quote "God made one race. The human race." I'm not sure who wrote this quote, but whoever did, it's a good one. These are just some things I like to teach my little ones. OK, I need to get back on subject again: one of the ways I've taught my child how to play without killing the bad guy is by telling him to arrest the bad guy and put him in jail instead. Also, I think killing a person that has done wrong is the easy way out for that person. Sometimes I think living their life in prison would be a better punishment... at least that gives them time to think about what they did and how it was wrong and how they can change for the better.
Lets talk about routine now. Children need a routine to feel safe. So we started out with a bedtime routine. My son brushes and flosses his teeth every night at 7 p.m. (sometimes later, every once in a while when we are out somewhere past 7 p.m.). Then he picks out a story and we read it before he gets in bed. I always get him a glass of ice water when he gets into his bed and he falls asleep and is well rested for the next day. We do this every night so that he knows that we are all safe in our house together. And of course there are always hugs and kisses. And when he has a bad dream I tell him to think of only good things to force the bad out of his head. So I start talking about rainbows and flowers and unicorns and his little brother laughing and everybody smiling and it works! You know how I know it works? Because I use to do that as a kid. I also told him to pray about it. He does. Shortly after, he's asleep. I don't like him to stay the night at anyone's house because it breaks him of his routine and he's not old enough to make the correct choices for himself. I know that when he didn't have a routine before and he would stay the night over places he would always come home kicking and screaming telling me he hated me. Since the routine has been in place for a while and we've practice better discipline methods all I hear now is "Mom, you are a great mom." and "I love you" like 15 random times during the day. My heart swells with joy every time I hear those words.
Next I want to talk about diet. I try so hard to get my 6 year old to eat what I put in front of him. It takes persistence just about every night. He really wants to be able to choose his own food every night. I think it's because I used to live by a rule that is terrible to live by if you've got little ones. I used to say as long as he's eating something I'm not worried. Well, that's all fine and dandy but I noticed all he wanted was junk like ramen noodles, cheese puffs, and fruit snacks and corn dogs and ice cream and soda or pop what ever you wanna call it. I do not let him drink caffeinated beverages ever! He is a child he has enough energy.
It's been a real struggle working with him on his diet. I try to have him help me in the kitchen making food as much as possible so that he knows what he is eating and he takes pride in work that he's done and wants to taste his food. We've recently made a new rule that if he gets to the table and immediately says it looks disgusting then he doesn't get to watch his cartoons for 1 week and he gets a time out. I also let him know that it hurts my feelings when I've put so much work into making a healthy well balance mean every night and that's the response I get. I asked him if he worked on something really hard like a drawing or a coloring and he gave it to me and I said it looked ugly and he did a terrible job, how would he feel? That struck something in him because he looked sad that he said the food I prepared was disgusting before he even tasted it and he gave me a hug and said he was very sorry for making me feel that way. I explained to him that I only want the best for him and I wouldn't feed him food that was so terrible he couldn't eat it. We have been slowly improving this area in our lives. As for my littlest one, well, he eats anything and everything. I don't make sour faces when I'm feeding him veggies like I did with my oldest. I would, for some reason, think that babies don't like baby food vegetable and meats because I thought it was gross. Well, I didn't realize back then that I was acclimated to salty foods myself and thought baby foods were bland and I didn't think that my baby needed to eat things that tasted bland to me. Wow, I was totally wrong. I literally did not know the first thing about parenting with my first child. Now, I have grown to research things and have taken college courses to learn more about children and parenting and I've even seen 2 child psychologists that have helped me understand my children better and have helped me become the mother I am today.
Growing up I always had a t.v. I don't remember sitting in front of it 24/7 because my parents had activities planned for us and the t.v. seemed to be their thing to watch news and sports games. Every once in a while we would watch movies on it. So I didn't really think about t.v. as being such a problem and getting my own place I would think of cable as a necessary bill until I noticed some behavioral differences in my 6 year old. I used to think the t.v. was a free babysitter. Ha! Was I wrong. I started seeing the ads and the messages that were coming through on some cartoons and began to think a little wiser. I actually got rid of all my t.v.'s for 2 years. I recently bought a t.v. to be able to do the Dance Central 2 and Kinect adventures on Xbox 360 with Kinect. I have rabbit ears for the t.v. so I can watch the news. Well, now my son of course wants to watch t.v. every chance he gets. I have to make him go play in his room or outside and he only gets a certain allotted amount of time to watch t.v. I heard there were some studies done that showed the brain waves at their lowest while watching t.v., even lower than when a person sleeps. So when my child watches t.v. now, it has to be educational and only for 1-2 hours a day. It's the same with video games. The video games are included in that 1-2 hours a day.
I'm trying to be everything that my children need. I have my slip ups every once in a while. But like I said I am not the perfect mother. And please don't think I am judging anyone's parenting because they don't do it my way. Everyone is different and that's what makes people so great! There's always work to be done and ways to improve.
One of my friends posted this poem on Facebook and I thought it would put a nice touch to this blog.
You are who you are for a reason.
You’re part of an intricate plan.
You’re a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God’s special woman or man.
You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb.
You’re just what He wanted to make.
The parents you had were the ones He chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God’s plan in mind,
And they bear the Master’s seal.
No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into His likeness you’d grow.
You are who you are for a reason,
You’ve been formed by the Master’s rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!
by Russell Kelfer
Friday, January 13, 2012
The endurance of a mother
I've been thinking about some things that I would really like to share. I want to say, that when someone becomes a parent, they are a parent every second of every day for the rest of their life. That being said, I used to have someone watch Gage while I did simple daily tasks like going to the grocery store or going shopping or heck, even when I had to clean the house. Being a single mom was stressful and that's all I knew to do.
Then, I met someone that would change my views forever. My fiance asked me, why do you have to have someone watch your son while you do these things? Let's take him to the store and everywhere we go. Afterall, he is your responsibility and your family. So, I did. I took on the responsibility of being an actual parent. I had to learn to teach him how to act in public as I deemed appropriate and not to talk to strangers and not to run into the parking lots and scream at the top of his lungs in the middle of a store and not to run off from mommy... I was stressed! But I knew for his sake, it had to be done. Otherwise, he would have been raised by grandparents (I have nothing against grandparents, but you know how they are with grandkids... By the time a person has become a grandparents they are way more relaxed and tend to be soft with the grandkids), aunts and uncles. So, I made a decision, I would be the sole person to always have my child with me and we would make visits to the grandparents houses.
The number one reason being, I have grown to love my child so much that I recognize what he needs and not what he wants. He needs a routine... Daily and bedtime. Consistancy is a key in successful parenting.
Number two reason, dietary. My son needs to eat healthy. Proper portion size for his age and a well balanced diet.
Number three reason, I as a parent like to limit his electronic world. I have noticed with some experience that if my son watches t.v. he doesn't pay attention to what his body needs.As soon as the t.v. is off he is cranky.Mainly because he didn't pay attention to his stomach saying it needs food and his blood sugar is low. Same with video games. He acts like a drug addict would act for drugs, only his drug is t.v. and video games.
Number four reason, he needs to have a form of discipline that works for him. One thing I need to say is, I do not spank. Not because I don't agree with it, but because he would rather have a spanking then a time out. Also, I feel that spanking is a lack of self control on my part. Time outs work. They have to be the same every time. Watch Super Nanny enough times and it will be so simple.That's what I did.
The last reason I took total control over parenting was because I am the one responsible for the things my children are exposed to. Including but not limited to, drinking alcohol underage or not, you cannot be a responsible person and make coherent decisions or even be able to drive someone to an emergency room under the influence of alcohol, nor does someone realize that children pick up everything... Like hey, that drink makes that person do funny stuff or whatever. Also, to see someone that is younger drinking makes that child think when they grow older that its okay. I am against underage drinking.(this link will explain a little better about the effects of alcohol on the underage brain: http://www.alcoholpolicymd.com/press_room/Media_kits/mk_brain_image_index.htm) I've learned what damage it does to the learning center of the brain that cannot be recovered. There is an age restriction for a reason. If I had known this at a young age I may have made better decisions. I learned this information in my child development class and have researched it extensively online.
Also, another exposure is foul or vulgar language. So many people use it in every day life. It doesn't make a person sound more intelligent and its not okay to use especially when its used to hurt someone. Another more important issue, is sexual content. So many people I know have spoken freely about sex around young children, and not only spoke about it but there have been visual images thrown out there right in front them. I used to let my son watch Family Guy. Because I really didn't think about him picking up on television content. Now days, when he does watch t.v., I have to approve it. I only let him watch educational or sport shows. And only for an hour after school and on the weekend in the morning. If I bring him to someone else's house, well, I can't control what is on their t.v. or what video game they allow their kids to play. The point is, I don't want my child exposed to so many things that a 6 year old shouldn't be exposed to. I want his experiences at peoples houses to be pleasant and fun and appropriate for him.
Now I have 2 children to focus on and I'm doing the same thing for child number two. Everyday I am finding out ways to protect my children from harmful things, whether it be mental, physical, emotional, spiritual. I'm constantly looking for ways to better our lives. When people say they think its stupid that I'm trying to make my home BPA free, and buying organic food is stupid, and getting rid of all my household items that have harmful chemicals in them is dumb... I ask why is that stupid? Because I'm trying to improve our lives? Making little changes like these can possibly save us from unnecessary health issues. Oh and teaching my kids to wash their hands constantly. It doesn't seem stupid to me. Why does it seem to offend people that I'm making these decisions? I'm not attacking anyone... I'm simply doing my own thing. I am not judging anyone else's decisions on how they live their life.
I love my children.
P.S. I've thought of 5 more things I like prevent my children from being exposed to. Drugs, lying, cigarette smoking, violence, and negative thinking of others. These are obviously all bad things. I've had my battle with all of them and the outcome is never good. I want to let my children know that telling the truth hurts, but not as bad as when you find out someone has lied to you. That is almost virtually impossible to get over and gain trust in that person again. I think as far as drugs go, they should be prescribed by a doctor only to change one's body chemistry back to normal or to being able to function. Smoking cigarettes is bad for ones health and is a waste of time. I used to smoke and not know what I would do instead of smoke. Well, now, I research how to be an effective parent and I am in school and I am not thinking about my next break instead of studying and I clean my house and make dinner and spend time with my children that would be lost to a cigarette addiction otherwise. Violence is a terrible thing for a human to be a part of. I shouldn't have to list the reasons why. Also, negative thinking of others is never a good thing. When I start to thinking negatively of someone, my conscience kicks in and is all like "whoa, stop that now, you don't even know them, why are you judging them?" I wouldn't want people thinking negatively about me. It not only shows what kind of person you are, but it makes me not want to be around you. I can't be around someone that is constantly making negative comments about every little thing. It brings me down and I recognize it and tend to stay away from that person more and more. It's kind of a type of manipulation... Someone is trying to get me to think badly of someone else. It makes me nauseous. I feel like some kind of demon is hissing the negativity out of the mouths of those who speak that way. I absolutely don't like it. And I don't like name calling. All this stuff is just plain mean and bad and I'm trying to push that out of my family's life and bring in only positive. It's possible. I've seen it with my own eyes.
Then, I met someone that would change my views forever. My fiance asked me, why do you have to have someone watch your son while you do these things? Let's take him to the store and everywhere we go. Afterall, he is your responsibility and your family. So, I did. I took on the responsibility of being an actual parent. I had to learn to teach him how to act in public as I deemed appropriate and not to talk to strangers and not to run into the parking lots and scream at the top of his lungs in the middle of a store and not to run off from mommy... I was stressed! But I knew for his sake, it had to be done. Otherwise, he would have been raised by grandparents (I have nothing against grandparents, but you know how they are with grandkids... By the time a person has become a grandparents they are way more relaxed and tend to be soft with the grandkids), aunts and uncles. So, I made a decision, I would be the sole person to always have my child with me and we would make visits to the grandparents houses.
The number one reason being, I have grown to love my child so much that I recognize what he needs and not what he wants. He needs a routine... Daily and bedtime. Consistancy is a key in successful parenting.
Number two reason, dietary. My son needs to eat healthy. Proper portion size for his age and a well balanced diet.
Number three reason, I as a parent like to limit his electronic world. I have noticed with some experience that if my son watches t.v. he doesn't pay attention to what his body needs.As soon as the t.v. is off he is cranky.Mainly because he didn't pay attention to his stomach saying it needs food and his blood sugar is low. Same with video games. He acts like a drug addict would act for drugs, only his drug is t.v. and video games.
Number four reason, he needs to have a form of discipline that works for him. One thing I need to say is, I do not spank. Not because I don't agree with it, but because he would rather have a spanking then a time out. Also, I feel that spanking is a lack of self control on my part. Time outs work. They have to be the same every time. Watch Super Nanny enough times and it will be so simple.That's what I did.
The last reason I took total control over parenting was because I am the one responsible for the things my children are exposed to. Including but not limited to, drinking alcohol underage or not, you cannot be a responsible person and make coherent decisions or even be able to drive someone to an emergency room under the influence of alcohol, nor does someone realize that children pick up everything... Like hey, that drink makes that person do funny stuff or whatever. Also, to see someone that is younger drinking makes that child think when they grow older that its okay. I am against underage drinking.(this link will explain a little better about the effects of alcohol on the underage brain: http://www.alcoholpolicymd.com/press_room/Media_kits/mk_brain_image_index.htm) I've learned what damage it does to the learning center of the brain that cannot be recovered. There is an age restriction for a reason. If I had known this at a young age I may have made better decisions. I learned this information in my child development class and have researched it extensively online.
Also, another exposure is foul or vulgar language. So many people use it in every day life. It doesn't make a person sound more intelligent and its not okay to use especially when its used to hurt someone. Another more important issue, is sexual content. So many people I know have spoken freely about sex around young children, and not only spoke about it but there have been visual images thrown out there right in front them. I used to let my son watch Family Guy. Because I really didn't think about him picking up on television content. Now days, when he does watch t.v., I have to approve it. I only let him watch educational or sport shows. And only for an hour after school and on the weekend in the morning. If I bring him to someone else's house, well, I can't control what is on their t.v. or what video game they allow their kids to play. The point is, I don't want my child exposed to so many things that a 6 year old shouldn't be exposed to. I want his experiences at peoples houses to be pleasant and fun and appropriate for him.
Now I have 2 children to focus on and I'm doing the same thing for child number two. Everyday I am finding out ways to protect my children from harmful things, whether it be mental, physical, emotional, spiritual. I'm constantly looking for ways to better our lives. When people say they think its stupid that I'm trying to make my home BPA free, and buying organic food is stupid, and getting rid of all my household items that have harmful chemicals in them is dumb... I ask why is that stupid? Because I'm trying to improve our lives? Making little changes like these can possibly save us from unnecessary health issues. Oh and teaching my kids to wash their hands constantly. It doesn't seem stupid to me. Why does it seem to offend people that I'm making these decisions? I'm not attacking anyone... I'm simply doing my own thing. I am not judging anyone else's decisions on how they live their life.
I love my children.
P.S. I've thought of 5 more things I like prevent my children from being exposed to. Drugs, lying, cigarette smoking, violence, and negative thinking of others. These are obviously all bad things. I've had my battle with all of them and the outcome is never good. I want to let my children know that telling the truth hurts, but not as bad as when you find out someone has lied to you. That is almost virtually impossible to get over and gain trust in that person again. I think as far as drugs go, they should be prescribed by a doctor only to change one's body chemistry back to normal or to being able to function. Smoking cigarettes is bad for ones health and is a waste of time. I used to smoke and not know what I would do instead of smoke. Well, now, I research how to be an effective parent and I am in school and I am not thinking about my next break instead of studying and I clean my house and make dinner and spend time with my children that would be lost to a cigarette addiction otherwise. Violence is a terrible thing for a human to be a part of. I shouldn't have to list the reasons why. Also, negative thinking of others is never a good thing. When I start to thinking negatively of someone, my conscience kicks in and is all like "whoa, stop that now, you don't even know them, why are you judging them?" I wouldn't want people thinking negatively about me. It not only shows what kind of person you are, but it makes me not want to be around you. I can't be around someone that is constantly making negative comments about every little thing. It brings me down and I recognize it and tend to stay away from that person more and more. It's kind of a type of manipulation... Someone is trying to get me to think badly of someone else. It makes me nauseous. I feel like some kind of demon is hissing the negativity out of the mouths of those who speak that way. I absolutely don't like it. And I don't like name calling. All this stuff is just plain mean and bad and I'm trying to push that out of my family's life and bring in only positive. It's possible. I've seen it with my own eyes.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
More than the average 26 year old.
First, let me start with how I feel about myself. I think of myself as a 26 year old who is trapped in a body that has lived a full life, yet, I have a lot of learning to do.
Let me just say that on my 18th birthday was the day I started basic training for the U.S. Army. I married my late husband, David, on February 14th 2004 in Lampasas, Texas and it snowed! I said hell froze over that day. We quickly became pregnant 4 months later and I decided to get out of the military. The reason being, you ask? I had the choice to either stay in and deploy to Iraq 6 months after we had our baby or to get out and raise our baby instead of someone else raising him while both David and I were deployed. I got out October of that year and had our baby boy February of the following year. David got orders to go to Iraq and so he had to train in the field a lot. We barely ever got to spend any time together as a family the previous year before he deployed because of all the training. I'm talking 2 weeks in the field about every month and then a month at the national training center right before he left. I had to attend FRG (Family Readiness Group) meetings and take care of our child and learn that there is a chance that my husband could die out there and I had already learned most of this stuff from being in the army myself, but it never really sank in because I didn't think it could happen to us. He left for Iraq in December of that year and we got to see him for 2 weeks in May when he came home on R&R (rest and relaxation)... Hardly what it was. He had to squeeze in ALL our families and friends in, in 2 weeks... on top of jet lag. There was one time when we were driving in town and a piece of trash was in the middle of the road. David stopped the car and wanted to get out to see if it was a road side bomb. I could see the terror in his eyes and he couldn't handle our then 15 month old screaming in the night because of the sounds he heard in Iraq at night. He was showing signs of what is clinically termed as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. It was extremely heart breaking for me to see my husband going through this. Then, we had to watch him leave for Iraq a second time. Little did we know, that was the last time we would ever see that beautiful, lively, human being again.
On October 17th 2006 I went to work and on the return home I received a phone call from my previous roommate that went like this: "Two guys in army uniforms came to my door looking for you." I thought to my self 'Oh my gosh! Do they want me to return to the army? Or did something happen to David?' So when I was on my way home, I made a detour to my old address and the new roommate answered the door and told me the same thing. I asked him what exactly did that guy's uniform look like and he said they were dress uniforms and one guy had a cross on his collar. I absolutely could not think of what that cross was on that uniform. So I drove around to my new address which was right behind my old one and I heard the song come on the radio If You Get There Before I Do by Collin Raye. At that very moment is when I realized my husband was probably killed in Iraq. I called his mom immediately and said "I think it is what I thought it was. Come to my place right away." No sooner than when she showed up and we were standing in my front porch about to go inside a military van pulled up in the parking lot. A U.S. Army Chaplain (with a cross on his collar) and his assistant stepped out of the van looking down and shaking their heads in slow motion. As they approached they asked if I was the wife of SPC David Unger and I said yes and his mom told them who she was. He proceeded with "SPC David Unger has been killed in combat..." I didn't hear the rest I froze and couldn't think anymore. His mother screamed in agony "NO NO NO NO NO NO...this has to be a mistake!" as she fell to her knees. Tears just fell from my face, all I could think was 'Are you sure it was David? This can't be real. He'll be home in a month.' My heart hurt so bad. It was literally the worst thing that I, a 21 year old young woman, could have ever been through. We have a son together. We have a life to continue. This was unreal. It still boggles my mind to this day. I didn't just hurt for myself, but for our son, for his mother, for his father, sisters and brothers, for his grand parents and great grandparents, for his aunts, uncles, and cousins, and for my family (who had grown to love David as their own), and our friends. I couldn't put myself in any of their shoes because every one of them were affected by David in a different way. Every one of them had a different relationship with David. All I know is that I hurt and I had to be strong for our little boy who didn't know what was going on, I just knew he felt something was very wrong. If I keep going on with this I will never end this section of the blog. There were so many things that happened after we lay David to rest that I have to move on with my life story. I can explain my pain all day to everyone and not one person would understand unless they've been through it themselves. It is something I have to live with everyday. Thinking, how would things be different if David were here. Explaining to our son why these things happened and what happened, without getting upset. Every day is a struggle because there is a lot of damage control and trying to move on without people judging every move I make. I have to manage a lot of things in my everyday life because this one thing happened. (Here are some websites that tell a little about what happened: http://1-22infantry.org/kia/ungerpers.htm and http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/10/25/eveningnews/main2124824.shtml )
Anyway, I'm not going into detail about what other people think about how every move I make in my life is right or wrong. I appreciate criticism greatly. I really do. I take it as something I can either improve my life by or at least help the way that person feels about me or as something to just brush off. I don't get mad about it like I used to. Life is too short.
So, after David passed and it had been sometime, I went into a downward spiral for about 2 years. I was in a bad relationship and hanging around people I really shouldn't have been hanging around. I did a lot things that, honestly, I don't regret. I say that because I learned my lesson. It was one of those "learn the hard way" lessons. I must say that the power of prayer has saved my life multiple times. First, when David died and 2nd when I almost slowly killed myself in that downward spiral. That relationship I was in, I ended. And 6 months later he died in a car accident. If I were to continue that relationship I probably would have been in that car with him. I also would have ruined my entire life with the life I was leading. I had to get it together for myself and for my son. So that is what I did. I got stronger and stronger as the minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days, days turned weeks, weeks turned into months, months turned into years. I didn't do it by myself. I saw a professional mental health specialist who helped me get my body chemicals back to normal with antidepressants and non habit forming anti anxiety meds. I also got counseling. I want to point out that these moves that I made in my life were vital. If I had not sought out these things I would not be the person I am today. Seeking mental health does not mean one is crazy. So many people think this and it is wrong. Seeking mental health is like going to the doctor if you've got a physical ailment only it's for your mind. One has to keep mind and body healthy. If one does not seek this type of health, one might actually go insane or crazy. Just like for example if you had a broken bone and didn't go see a medical doctor that broken bone would get worse and worse.
Another major thing that changed my life... well, I found out at the age of 23 years old that the man who raised me my whole life was not my biological father. I actually felt relieved. Not because he wasn't my biological father, but because my whole life, I felt something was just off. Everyone knew this information except for me and my sister. Literally, everyone... even David. My mom told me that she told David the story because he has a daughter with another woman that he didn't really know. She was telling him that it will be okay and God has a plan for everyone. So I met my biological father and couldn't have been more ecstatic. I looked like him. I acted like him. I met the whole family. I have 4 aunts and a grandma and a bunch of cousins that I never knew about. I felt blessed. I mean, what girl can say she has 3 dads.... I include my adopted dad because he stepped up to the plate and took on a really hard job of raising a little girl, my step-dad who was there for me as a father figure when my adopted dad was away with the military, and my biological father who I've received these wonderful genes from and have yet to get to know for the rest of our lives on this earth together. He also had to sit back and watch me grow up without letting me know he was there. I guess that's what the family thought was best for me. I'm not sure if anyone can know how tough that is... except David, who went through it.
Here's another thing to add to my list of life crises: One day while at a routine eye doctor appointment, my eye doc see's that my optic nerves are swollen. He says I need to show my obstetrician right away. So I did. That day I spent in a hospital. They sent me to emergency and had me admitted. I got an MRI done which showed that I had a blood clot (thrombus) forming in my brain. I had some blood work done and we figured out that I have a few genetic mutations in my blood. I don't know the exact names of them but they make my blood clot inside of my body. So I went to a hematologist and he told me I'd have to be on blood thinners for the rest of my life. It was a good thing I found this out because I could have had a stroke at any time and died.
This is why I say I've lived a full life... I mean seriously, I'm on Coumadin (blood thinner med)... isn't that what a lot of elderly people are on??? I'm not saying in any way that I am wise in my age, because I've got a lot to learn. I'm saying I've experienced more than the average 26 year old.
Now, I'm in Nursing school trying to get my RN and I'm also a stay at home mom. I have to keep moving forward. I have to show my children that no matter how tough life is, they can always move forward.
PS... My oldest son, was having really bad headaches for a long time and they kept getting worse and worse. We had ruled out allergies and what not with the regular doctor and so we saw a childrens neurologist who sent him to get an MRI. I was really nervous about the MRI mainly because he had to go in there by himself and I couldn't be there with him. But the results came back that he had a Chiari I malformation. So he had to get surgery on his skull. They had to shave away the skull around his brain stem so it wouldn't put pressure there anymore. This was such an extremely stressful time for me and for him. I prayed and prayed that everything would work out and he would be fine. Well, it's been 4 months since his surgery and he is the crazy little boy he was before AND no more headaches! He had such a wonderful surgeon and I believe his daddy and God were watching over and protecting him.
Also, a new life change, I'm a single mom again. I have two wonderful beautiful children and they are all I need!
Here's a quote I saw today and wanted to share. I thought it was fitting for this blog:
I'm writing this kind of late so, there might be some typo's and it's my first blog so let me know what you think. Tomorrow I will post another blog... nothing like this one.
Let me just say that on my 18th birthday was the day I started basic training for the U.S. Army. I married my late husband, David, on February 14th 2004 in Lampasas, Texas and it snowed! I said hell froze over that day. We quickly became pregnant 4 months later and I decided to get out of the military. The reason being, you ask? I had the choice to either stay in and deploy to Iraq 6 months after we had our baby or to get out and raise our baby instead of someone else raising him while both David and I were deployed. I got out October of that year and had our baby boy February of the following year. David got orders to go to Iraq and so he had to train in the field a lot. We barely ever got to spend any time together as a family the previous year before he deployed because of all the training. I'm talking 2 weeks in the field about every month and then a month at the national training center right before he left. I had to attend FRG (Family Readiness Group) meetings and take care of our child and learn that there is a chance that my husband could die out there and I had already learned most of this stuff from being in the army myself, but it never really sank in because I didn't think it could happen to us. He left for Iraq in December of that year and we got to see him for 2 weeks in May when he came home on R&R (rest and relaxation)... Hardly what it was. He had to squeeze in ALL our families and friends in, in 2 weeks... on top of jet lag. There was one time when we were driving in town and a piece of trash was in the middle of the road. David stopped the car and wanted to get out to see if it was a road side bomb. I could see the terror in his eyes and he couldn't handle our then 15 month old screaming in the night because of the sounds he heard in Iraq at night. He was showing signs of what is clinically termed as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. It was extremely heart breaking for me to see my husband going through this. Then, we had to watch him leave for Iraq a second time. Little did we know, that was the last time we would ever see that beautiful, lively, human being again.
On October 17th 2006 I went to work and on the return home I received a phone call from my previous roommate that went like this: "Two guys in army uniforms came to my door looking for you." I thought to my self 'Oh my gosh! Do they want me to return to the army? Or did something happen to David?' So when I was on my way home, I made a detour to my old address and the new roommate answered the door and told me the same thing. I asked him what exactly did that guy's uniform look like and he said they were dress uniforms and one guy had a cross on his collar. I absolutely could not think of what that cross was on that uniform. So I drove around to my new address which was right behind my old one and I heard the song come on the radio If You Get There Before I Do by Collin Raye. At that very moment is when I realized my husband was probably killed in Iraq. I called his mom immediately and said "I think it is what I thought it was. Come to my place right away." No sooner than when she showed up and we were standing in my front porch about to go inside a military van pulled up in the parking lot. A U.S. Army Chaplain (with a cross on his collar) and his assistant stepped out of the van looking down and shaking their heads in slow motion. As they approached they asked if I was the wife of SPC David Unger and I said yes and his mom told them who she was. He proceeded with "SPC David Unger has been killed in combat..." I didn't hear the rest I froze and couldn't think anymore. His mother screamed in agony "NO NO NO NO NO NO...this has to be a mistake!" as she fell to her knees. Tears just fell from my face, all I could think was 'Are you sure it was David? This can't be real. He'll be home in a month.' My heart hurt so bad. It was literally the worst thing that I, a 21 year old young woman, could have ever been through. We have a son together. We have a life to continue. This was unreal. It still boggles my mind to this day. I didn't just hurt for myself, but for our son, for his mother, for his father, sisters and brothers, for his grand parents and great grandparents, for his aunts, uncles, and cousins, and for my family (who had grown to love David as their own), and our friends. I couldn't put myself in any of their shoes because every one of them were affected by David in a different way. Every one of them had a different relationship with David. All I know is that I hurt and I had to be strong for our little boy who didn't know what was going on, I just knew he felt something was very wrong. If I keep going on with this I will never end this section of the blog. There were so many things that happened after we lay David to rest that I have to move on with my life story. I can explain my pain all day to everyone and not one person would understand unless they've been through it themselves. It is something I have to live with everyday. Thinking, how would things be different if David were here. Explaining to our son why these things happened and what happened, without getting upset. Every day is a struggle because there is a lot of damage control and trying to move on without people judging every move I make. I have to manage a lot of things in my everyday life because this one thing happened. (Here are some websites that tell a little about what happened: http://1-22infantry.org/kia/ungerpers.htm and http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/10/25/eveningnews/main2124824.shtml )
Anyway, I'm not going into detail about what other people think about how every move I make in my life is right or wrong. I appreciate criticism greatly. I really do. I take it as something I can either improve my life by or at least help the way that person feels about me or as something to just brush off. I don't get mad about it like I used to. Life is too short.
So, after David passed and it had been sometime, I went into a downward spiral for about 2 years. I was in a bad relationship and hanging around people I really shouldn't have been hanging around. I did a lot things that, honestly, I don't regret. I say that because I learned my lesson. It was one of those "learn the hard way" lessons. I must say that the power of prayer has saved my life multiple times. First, when David died and 2nd when I almost slowly killed myself in that downward spiral. That relationship I was in, I ended. And 6 months later he died in a car accident. If I were to continue that relationship I probably would have been in that car with him. I also would have ruined my entire life with the life I was leading. I had to get it together for myself and for my son. So that is what I did. I got stronger and stronger as the minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days, days turned weeks, weeks turned into months, months turned into years. I didn't do it by myself. I saw a professional mental health specialist who helped me get my body chemicals back to normal with antidepressants and non habit forming anti anxiety meds. I also got counseling. I want to point out that these moves that I made in my life were vital. If I had not sought out these things I would not be the person I am today. Seeking mental health does not mean one is crazy. So many people think this and it is wrong. Seeking mental health is like going to the doctor if you've got a physical ailment only it's for your mind. One has to keep mind and body healthy. If one does not seek this type of health, one might actually go insane or crazy. Just like for example if you had a broken bone and didn't go see a medical doctor that broken bone would get worse and worse.
Another major thing that changed my life... well, I found out at the age of 23 years old that the man who raised me my whole life was not my biological father. I actually felt relieved. Not because he wasn't my biological father, but because my whole life, I felt something was just off. Everyone knew this information except for me and my sister. Literally, everyone... even David. My mom told me that she told David the story because he has a daughter with another woman that he didn't really know. She was telling him that it will be okay and God has a plan for everyone. So I met my biological father and couldn't have been more ecstatic. I looked like him. I acted like him. I met the whole family. I have 4 aunts and a grandma and a bunch of cousins that I never knew about. I felt blessed. I mean, what girl can say she has 3 dads.... I include my adopted dad because he stepped up to the plate and took on a really hard job of raising a little girl, my step-dad who was there for me as a father figure when my adopted dad was away with the military, and my biological father who I've received these wonderful genes from and have yet to get to know for the rest of our lives on this earth together. He also had to sit back and watch me grow up without letting me know he was there. I guess that's what the family thought was best for me. I'm not sure if anyone can know how tough that is... except David, who went through it.
Here's another thing to add to my list of life crises: One day while at a routine eye doctor appointment, my eye doc see's that my optic nerves are swollen. He says I need to show my obstetrician right away. So I did. That day I spent in a hospital. They sent me to emergency and had me admitted. I got an MRI done which showed that I had a blood clot (thrombus) forming in my brain. I had some blood work done and we figured out that I have a few genetic mutations in my blood. I don't know the exact names of them but they make my blood clot inside of my body. So I went to a hematologist and he told me I'd have to be on blood thinners for the rest of my life. It was a good thing I found this out because I could have had a stroke at any time and died.
This is why I say I've lived a full life... I mean seriously, I'm on Coumadin (blood thinner med)... isn't that what a lot of elderly people are on??? I'm not saying in any way that I am wise in my age, because I've got a lot to learn. I'm saying I've experienced more than the average 26 year old.
Now, I'm in Nursing school trying to get my RN and I'm also a stay at home mom. I have to keep moving forward. I have to show my children that no matter how tough life is, they can always move forward.
PS... My oldest son, was having really bad headaches for a long time and they kept getting worse and worse. We had ruled out allergies and what not with the regular doctor and so we saw a childrens neurologist who sent him to get an MRI. I was really nervous about the MRI mainly because he had to go in there by himself and I couldn't be there with him. But the results came back that he had a Chiari I malformation. So he had to get surgery on his skull. They had to shave away the skull around his brain stem so it wouldn't put pressure there anymore. This was such an extremely stressful time for me and for him. I prayed and prayed that everything would work out and he would be fine. Well, it's been 4 months since his surgery and he is the crazy little boy he was before AND no more headaches! He had such a wonderful surgeon and I believe his daddy and God were watching over and protecting him.
Also, a new life change, I'm a single mom again. I have two wonderful beautiful children and they are all I need!
Here's a quote I saw today and wanted to share. I thought it was fitting for this blog:
I'm writing this kind of late so, there might be some typo's and it's my first blog so let me know what you think. Tomorrow I will post another blog... nothing like this one.
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