First, let me start with how I feel about myself. I think of myself as a 26 year old who is trapped in a body that has lived a full life, yet, I have a lot of learning to do.
Let me just say that on my 18th birthday was the day I started basic training for the U.S. Army. I married my late husband, David, on February 14th 2004 in Lampasas, Texas and it snowed! I said hell froze over that day. We quickly became pregnant 4 months later and I decided to get out of the military. The reason being, you ask? I had the choice to either stay in and deploy to Iraq 6 months after we had our baby or to get out and raise our baby instead of someone else raising him while both David and I were deployed. I got out October of that year and had our baby boy February of the following year. David got orders to go to Iraq and so he had to train in the field a lot. We barely ever got to spend any time together as a family the previous year before he deployed because of all the training. I'm talking 2 weeks in the field about every month and then a month at the national training center right before he left. I had to attend FRG (Family Readiness Group) meetings and take care of our child and learn that there is a chance that my husband could die out there and I had already learned most of this stuff from being in the army myself, but it never really sank in because I didn't think it could happen to us. He left for Iraq in December of that year and we got to see him for 2 weeks in May when he came home on R&R (rest and relaxation)... Hardly what it was. He had to squeeze in ALL our families and friends in, in 2 weeks... on top of jet lag. There was one time when we were driving in town and a piece of trash was in the middle of the road. David stopped the car and wanted to get out to see if it was a road side bomb. I could see the terror in his eyes and he couldn't handle our then 15 month old screaming in the night because of the sounds he heard in Iraq at night. He was showing signs of what is clinically termed as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. It was extremely heart breaking for me to see my husband going through this. Then, we had to watch him leave for Iraq a second time. Little did we know, that was the last time we would ever see that beautiful, lively, human being again.
On October 17th 2006 I went to work and on the return home I received a phone call from my previous roommate that went like this: "Two guys in army uniforms came to my door looking for you." I thought to my self 'Oh my gosh! Do they want me to return to the army? Or did something happen to David?' So when I was on my way home, I made a detour to my old address and the new roommate answered the door and told me the same thing. I asked him what exactly did that guy's uniform look like and he said they were dress uniforms and one guy had a cross on his collar. I absolutely could not think of what that cross was on that uniform. So I drove around to my new address which was right behind my old one and I heard the song come on the radio If You Get There Before I Do by Collin Raye. At that very moment is when I realized my husband was probably killed in Iraq. I called his mom immediately and said "I think it is what I thought it was. Come to my place right away." No sooner than when she showed up and we were standing in my front porch about to go inside a military van pulled up in the parking lot. A U.S. Army Chaplain (with a cross on his collar) and his assistant stepped out of the van looking down and shaking their heads in slow motion. As they approached they asked if I was the wife of SPC David Unger and I said yes and his mom told them who she was. He proceeded with "SPC David Unger has been killed in combat..." I didn't hear the rest I froze and couldn't think anymore. His mother screamed in agony "NO NO NO NO NO NO...this has to be a mistake!" as she fell to her knees. Tears just fell from my face, all I could think was 'Are you sure it was David? This can't be real. He'll be home in a month.' My heart hurt so bad. It was literally the worst thing that I, a 21 year old young woman, could have ever been through. We have a son together. We have a life to continue. This was unreal. It still boggles my mind to this day. I didn't just hurt for myself, but for our son, for his mother, for his father, sisters and brothers, for his grand parents and great grandparents, for his aunts, uncles, and cousins, and for my family (who had grown to love David as their own), and our friends. I couldn't put myself in any of their shoes because every one of them were affected by David in a different way. Every one of them had a different relationship with David. All I know is that I hurt and I had to be strong for our little boy who didn't know what was going on, I just knew he felt something was very wrong. If I keep going on with this I will never end this section of the blog. There were so many things that happened after we lay David to rest that I have to move on with my life story. I can explain my pain all day to everyone and not one person would understand unless they've been through it themselves. It is something I have to live with everyday. Thinking, how would things be different if David were here. Explaining to our son why these things happened and what happened, without getting upset. Every day is a struggle because there is a lot of damage control and trying to move on without people judging every move I make. I have to manage a lot of things in my everyday life because this one thing happened. (Here are some websites that tell a little about what happened: http://1-22infantry.org/kia/ungerpers.htm and http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/10/25/eveningnews/main2124824.shtml )
Anyway, I'm not going into detail about what other people think about how every move I make in my life is right or wrong. I appreciate criticism greatly. I really do. I take it as something I can either improve my life by or at least help the way that person feels about me or as something to just brush off. I don't get mad about it like I used to. Life is too short.
So, after David passed and it had been sometime, I went into a downward spiral for about 2 years. I was in a bad relationship and hanging around people I really shouldn't have been hanging around. I did a lot things that, honestly, I don't regret. I say that because I learned my lesson. It was one of those "learn the hard way" lessons. I must say that the power of prayer has saved my life multiple times. First, when David died and 2nd when I almost slowly killed myself in that downward spiral. That relationship I was in, I ended. And 6 months later he died in a car accident. If I were to continue that relationship I probably would have been in that car with him. I also would have ruined my entire life with the life I was leading. I had to get it together for myself and for my son. So that is what I did. I got stronger and stronger as the minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days, days turned weeks, weeks turned into months, months turned into years. I didn't do it by myself. I saw a professional mental health specialist who helped me get my body chemicals back to normal with antidepressants and non habit forming anti anxiety meds. I also got counseling. I want to point out that these moves that I made in my life were vital. If I had not sought out these things I would not be the person I am today. Seeking mental health does not mean one is crazy. So many people think this and it is wrong. Seeking mental health is like going to the doctor if you've got a physical ailment only it's for your mind. One has to keep mind and body healthy. If one does not seek this type of health, one might actually go insane or crazy. Just like for example if you had a broken bone and didn't go see a medical doctor that broken bone would get worse and worse.
Another major thing that changed my life... well, I found out at the age of 23 years old that the man who raised me my whole life was not my biological father. I actually felt relieved. Not because he wasn't my biological father, but because my whole life, I felt something was just off. Everyone knew this information except for me and my sister. Literally, everyone... even David. My mom told me that she told David the story because he has a daughter with another woman that he didn't really know. She was telling him that it will be okay and God has a plan for everyone. So I met my biological father and couldn't have been more ecstatic. I looked like him. I acted like him. I met the whole family. I have 4 aunts and a grandma and a bunch of cousins that I never knew about. I felt blessed. I mean, what girl can say she has 3 dads.... I include my adopted dad because he stepped up to the plate and took on a really hard job of raising a little girl, my step-dad who was there for me as a father figure when my adopted dad was away with the military, and my biological father who I've received these wonderful genes from and have yet to get to know for the rest of our lives on this earth together. He also had to sit back and watch me grow up without letting me know he was there. I guess that's what the family thought was best for me. I'm not sure if anyone can know how tough that is... except David, who went through it.
Here's another thing to add to my list of life crises: One day while at a routine eye doctor appointment, my eye doc see's that my optic nerves are swollen. He says I need to show my obstetrician right away. So I did. That day I spent in a hospital. They sent me to emergency and had me admitted. I got an MRI done which showed that I had a blood clot (thrombus) forming in my brain. I had some blood work done and we figured out that I have a few genetic mutations in my blood. I don't know the exact names of them but they make my blood clot inside of my body. So I went to a hematologist and he told me I'd have to be on blood thinners for the rest of my life. It was a good thing I found this out because I could have had a stroke at any time and died.
This is why I say I've lived a full life... I mean seriously, I'm on Coumadin (blood thinner med)... isn't that what a lot of elderly people are on??? I'm not saying in any way that I am wise in my age, because I've got a lot to learn. I'm saying I've experienced more than the average 26 year old.
Now, I'm in Nursing school trying to get my RN and I'm also a stay at home mom. I have to keep moving forward. I have to show my children that no matter how tough life is, they can always move forward.
PS... My oldest son, was having really bad headaches for a long time and they kept getting worse and worse. We had ruled out allergies and what not with the regular doctor and so we saw a childrens neurologist who sent him to get an MRI. I was really nervous about the MRI mainly because he had to go in there by himself and I couldn't be there with him. But the results came back that he had a Chiari I malformation. So he had to get surgery on his skull. They had to shave away the skull around his brain stem so it wouldn't put pressure there anymore. This was such an extremely stressful time for me and for him. I prayed and prayed that everything would work out and he would be fine. Well, it's been 4 months since his surgery and he is the crazy little boy he was before AND no more headaches! He had such a wonderful surgeon and I believe his daddy and God were watching over and protecting him.
Also, a new life change, I'm a single mom again. I have two wonderful beautiful children and they are all I need!
Here's a quote I saw today and wanted to share. I thought it was fitting for this blog:
I'm writing this kind of late so, there might be some typo's and it's my first blog so let me know what you think. Tomorrow I will post another blog... nothing like this one.
Let me just say that on my 18th birthday was the day I started basic training for the U.S. Army. I married my late husband, David, on February 14th 2004 in Lampasas, Texas and it snowed! I said hell froze over that day. We quickly became pregnant 4 months later and I decided to get out of the military. The reason being, you ask? I had the choice to either stay in and deploy to Iraq 6 months after we had our baby or to get out and raise our baby instead of someone else raising him while both David and I were deployed. I got out October of that year and had our baby boy February of the following year. David got orders to go to Iraq and so he had to train in the field a lot. We barely ever got to spend any time together as a family the previous year before he deployed because of all the training. I'm talking 2 weeks in the field about every month and then a month at the national training center right before he left. I had to attend FRG (Family Readiness Group) meetings and take care of our child and learn that there is a chance that my husband could die out there and I had already learned most of this stuff from being in the army myself, but it never really sank in because I didn't think it could happen to us. He left for Iraq in December of that year and we got to see him for 2 weeks in May when he came home on R&R (rest and relaxation)... Hardly what it was. He had to squeeze in ALL our families and friends in, in 2 weeks... on top of jet lag. There was one time when we were driving in town and a piece of trash was in the middle of the road. David stopped the car and wanted to get out to see if it was a road side bomb. I could see the terror in his eyes and he couldn't handle our then 15 month old screaming in the night because of the sounds he heard in Iraq at night. He was showing signs of what is clinically termed as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. It was extremely heart breaking for me to see my husband going through this. Then, we had to watch him leave for Iraq a second time. Little did we know, that was the last time we would ever see that beautiful, lively, human being again.
On October 17th 2006 I went to work and on the return home I received a phone call from my previous roommate that went like this: "Two guys in army uniforms came to my door looking for you." I thought to my self 'Oh my gosh! Do they want me to return to the army? Or did something happen to David?' So when I was on my way home, I made a detour to my old address and the new roommate answered the door and told me the same thing. I asked him what exactly did that guy's uniform look like and he said they were dress uniforms and one guy had a cross on his collar. I absolutely could not think of what that cross was on that uniform. So I drove around to my new address which was right behind my old one and I heard the song come on the radio If You Get There Before I Do by Collin Raye. At that very moment is when I realized my husband was probably killed in Iraq. I called his mom immediately and said "I think it is what I thought it was. Come to my place right away." No sooner than when she showed up and we were standing in my front porch about to go inside a military van pulled up in the parking lot. A U.S. Army Chaplain (with a cross on his collar) and his assistant stepped out of the van looking down and shaking their heads in slow motion. As they approached they asked if I was the wife of SPC David Unger and I said yes and his mom told them who she was. He proceeded with "SPC David Unger has been killed in combat..." I didn't hear the rest I froze and couldn't think anymore. His mother screamed in agony "NO NO NO NO NO NO...this has to be a mistake!" as she fell to her knees. Tears just fell from my face, all I could think was 'Are you sure it was David? This can't be real. He'll be home in a month.' My heart hurt so bad. It was literally the worst thing that I, a 21 year old young woman, could have ever been through. We have a son together. We have a life to continue. This was unreal. It still boggles my mind to this day. I didn't just hurt for myself, but for our son, for his mother, for his father, sisters and brothers, for his grand parents and great grandparents, for his aunts, uncles, and cousins, and for my family (who had grown to love David as their own), and our friends. I couldn't put myself in any of their shoes because every one of them were affected by David in a different way. Every one of them had a different relationship with David. All I know is that I hurt and I had to be strong for our little boy who didn't know what was going on, I just knew he felt something was very wrong. If I keep going on with this I will never end this section of the blog. There were so many things that happened after we lay David to rest that I have to move on with my life story. I can explain my pain all day to everyone and not one person would understand unless they've been through it themselves. It is something I have to live with everyday. Thinking, how would things be different if David were here. Explaining to our son why these things happened and what happened, without getting upset. Every day is a struggle because there is a lot of damage control and trying to move on without people judging every move I make. I have to manage a lot of things in my everyday life because this one thing happened. (Here are some websites that tell a little about what happened: http://1-22infantry.org/kia/ungerpers.htm and http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/10/25/eveningnews/main2124824.shtml )
Anyway, I'm not going into detail about what other people think about how every move I make in my life is right or wrong. I appreciate criticism greatly. I really do. I take it as something I can either improve my life by or at least help the way that person feels about me or as something to just brush off. I don't get mad about it like I used to. Life is too short.
So, after David passed and it had been sometime, I went into a downward spiral for about 2 years. I was in a bad relationship and hanging around people I really shouldn't have been hanging around. I did a lot things that, honestly, I don't regret. I say that because I learned my lesson. It was one of those "learn the hard way" lessons. I must say that the power of prayer has saved my life multiple times. First, when David died and 2nd when I almost slowly killed myself in that downward spiral. That relationship I was in, I ended. And 6 months later he died in a car accident. If I were to continue that relationship I probably would have been in that car with him. I also would have ruined my entire life with the life I was leading. I had to get it together for myself and for my son. So that is what I did. I got stronger and stronger as the minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days, days turned weeks, weeks turned into months, months turned into years. I didn't do it by myself. I saw a professional mental health specialist who helped me get my body chemicals back to normal with antidepressants and non habit forming anti anxiety meds. I also got counseling. I want to point out that these moves that I made in my life were vital. If I had not sought out these things I would not be the person I am today. Seeking mental health does not mean one is crazy. So many people think this and it is wrong. Seeking mental health is like going to the doctor if you've got a physical ailment only it's for your mind. One has to keep mind and body healthy. If one does not seek this type of health, one might actually go insane or crazy. Just like for example if you had a broken bone and didn't go see a medical doctor that broken bone would get worse and worse.
Another major thing that changed my life... well, I found out at the age of 23 years old that the man who raised me my whole life was not my biological father. I actually felt relieved. Not because he wasn't my biological father, but because my whole life, I felt something was just off. Everyone knew this information except for me and my sister. Literally, everyone... even David. My mom told me that she told David the story because he has a daughter with another woman that he didn't really know. She was telling him that it will be okay and God has a plan for everyone. So I met my biological father and couldn't have been more ecstatic. I looked like him. I acted like him. I met the whole family. I have 4 aunts and a grandma and a bunch of cousins that I never knew about. I felt blessed. I mean, what girl can say she has 3 dads.... I include my adopted dad because he stepped up to the plate and took on a really hard job of raising a little girl, my step-dad who was there for me as a father figure when my adopted dad was away with the military, and my biological father who I've received these wonderful genes from and have yet to get to know for the rest of our lives on this earth together. He also had to sit back and watch me grow up without letting me know he was there. I guess that's what the family thought was best for me. I'm not sure if anyone can know how tough that is... except David, who went through it.
Here's another thing to add to my list of life crises: One day while at a routine eye doctor appointment, my eye doc see's that my optic nerves are swollen. He says I need to show my obstetrician right away. So I did. That day I spent in a hospital. They sent me to emergency and had me admitted. I got an MRI done which showed that I had a blood clot (thrombus) forming in my brain. I had some blood work done and we figured out that I have a few genetic mutations in my blood. I don't know the exact names of them but they make my blood clot inside of my body. So I went to a hematologist and he told me I'd have to be on blood thinners for the rest of my life. It was a good thing I found this out because I could have had a stroke at any time and died.
This is why I say I've lived a full life... I mean seriously, I'm on Coumadin (blood thinner med)... isn't that what a lot of elderly people are on??? I'm not saying in any way that I am wise in my age, because I've got a lot to learn. I'm saying I've experienced more than the average 26 year old.
Now, I'm in Nursing school trying to get my RN and I'm also a stay at home mom. I have to keep moving forward. I have to show my children that no matter how tough life is, they can always move forward.
PS... My oldest son, was having really bad headaches for a long time and they kept getting worse and worse. We had ruled out allergies and what not with the regular doctor and so we saw a childrens neurologist who sent him to get an MRI. I was really nervous about the MRI mainly because he had to go in there by himself and I couldn't be there with him. But the results came back that he had a Chiari I malformation. So he had to get surgery on his skull. They had to shave away the skull around his brain stem so it wouldn't put pressure there anymore. This was such an extremely stressful time for me and for him. I prayed and prayed that everything would work out and he would be fine. Well, it's been 4 months since his surgery and he is the crazy little boy he was before AND no more headaches! He had such a wonderful surgeon and I believe his daddy and God were watching over and protecting him.
Also, a new life change, I'm a single mom again. I have two wonderful beautiful children and they are all I need!
Here's a quote I saw today and wanted to share. I thought it was fitting for this blog:
I'm writing this kind of late so, there might be some typo's and it's my first blog so let me know what you think. Tomorrow I will post another blog... nothing like this one.
Wow, Laura. I am speechless at the trials and pain you have already faced in your life. I admire your bravery in sharing your story here.
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