I am in no way saying that I am the perfect mother or I am the only right mother (after all, every child's needs are different and every parents value's and morals are also different). I am not even saying that I know how to be the best parent in the world. I am only saying that I am a "working at it" mother. I will always work to give my children what they need. And I will do it the best way I know how and continue to learn how to improve our lives the best way possible.
In my last blog I went through the quick points of what I think is important for my children to learn and be exposed to. I also forgot to add in some things like teaching my children not to cheat or steal. Both of which hurt many people when done. There are many forms of cheating... cheating in a game, cheating on tests, cheating in relationships. All of which are unfair to the people around. I've never felt the the need to cheat on a test before mainly because when I take a test I like to know where I stand in my own knowledge. If I need to make improvements and such or I get to rejoice in the awesome job I did if I do well. There's nothing like the feeling of accomplishment when you've done the job yourself. This is one of the many reasons why I put every drop of blood, sweat, and tears into my children. If they are being raised with all my effort then I know I am doing my job.
As far as stealing goes, well, let me just tell you a little story. My family and I were in a store and as we were walking out, my oldest son pulls a pack of gum out of his pocket. I asked him where he got it and he told me he took it from the store. He told me the truth, reluctantly. So I took him back in the store and told him to give it to the door greeter. The door greeter took it and knelt down to my son's height and said Thank You for bringing this back, You know it's never okay to steal. As we walked out of the store, my son said he would never steal again. He felt so ashamed and guilty for this that since then, he has never stolen anything. I also gave him examples that put it into real life perspective to a child, like, if he had a toy that was special to him and one day it came up missing and he found out someone took it then how would he feel? I know it was just a pack of gum... but even something that small shouldn't be stolen. I've seen some of my friends with their kids say oh it's just a toy, that store won't miss it. That's not what I want my children to learn. As they get older, the things they want become more and more expensive and I feel if this lesson isn't taught early enough the habit will not die until they have gotten in so much trouble with it that they aren't able to come back from it. People can change, I understand that. But they have to learn how to do better.
I feel like I didn't elaborate enough on some of my points yesterday. I feel like I kind of got off on a tangent and ended my blog in a rush. So here goes. I don't want people to think I am a parental control freak. Because I'm not. I don't feel like I have to control every situation. I feel like I have to supervise and teach my children good morals. Yes, some parents believe that their children should free play all day and do what they want because that's what kids do. Well, I think free play is fine until the kid starts talking about things like "Lets kill him" and "I hate you". I absolutely do not like the word "hate". Mainly because people use it so much for things that should be more of a dislike. The only thing I "hate" is evil. I don't hate a person, ever. I "hate" the evil acts that they do... but I always have the benefit of hope gleaming through that tells me, hey, what they did, they didn't mean to do and they can change and realize their mistakes and they are capable of feeling compassion. I can always forgive the person, but never the sin. So this is one thing I need my kids to know. Also, killing any person isn't okay. I am not a judge or a jury or God for that matter. And no, I don't think God is a murderer. I think God chooses when it is our time to be called to heaven. I am not saying anyone else's views on this are right or wrong, I am just saying this is what I believe. So that being said, I know there are scenario's that people can bring up that they think would be okay to kill another human being. Like, what about bad guys. What if someone broke into your house and tried to rape and murder your whole family? What would you do? In that case I'm sure my protective instincts would take control over my mind, body, and spirit and I'm not sure what I would do then. I just pray for my families safety every day and night and do whatever measures I can to prevent that from happening. My point is that I don't feel it is an person's place to kill another human being. I actually read a post on a certain social website that someone had put up. It was about some illegal immigration thing that happened. I guess over 3500 illegal immigrants got drivers license due to an inside job. I hadn't heard about this other than that posting. The person that posted said if it were up to them they would hold anyone involved up to a wall and shoot them in the head for being traitors. Honestly??? I immediately thought to myself, 'Why would someone have such a strong urge to kill another human being over some man made law?' Don't get me wrong, I know every country has very strict immigration laws and I know there are reasons for that. The one reason I can think of off the top of my head is that people that live in different countries carry different diseases and we don't need this in our country. There is a legal route that immigrants can take to live in this country. So I think maybe educating people on these legal routes would help a lot. I'm not trying to solve world problems though. So I just wanted to point out that people should watch what they say on these websites because younger kids could see this stuff and it could start sort of a mob mentality on the web of negative thinkers. I mean really some stuff that people post is absolutely horrifying to me. People posting racist remarks is one thing that boggles my mind. I like the quote "God made one race. The human race." I'm not sure who wrote this quote, but whoever did, it's a good one. These are just some things I like to teach my little ones. OK, I need to get back on subject again: one of the ways I've taught my child how to play without killing the bad guy is by telling him to arrest the bad guy and put him in jail instead. Also, I think killing a person that has done wrong is the easy way out for that person. Sometimes I think living their life in prison would be a better punishment... at least that gives them time to think about what they did and how it was wrong and how they can change for the better.
Lets talk about routine now. Children need a routine to feel safe. So we started out with a bedtime routine. My son brushes and flosses his teeth every night at 7 p.m. (sometimes later, every once in a while when we are out somewhere past 7 p.m.). Then he picks out a story and we read it before he gets in bed. I always get him a glass of ice water when he gets into his bed and he falls asleep and is well rested for the next day. We do this every night so that he knows that we are all safe in our house together. And of course there are always hugs and kisses. And when he has a bad dream I tell him to think of only good things to force the bad out of his head. So I start talking about rainbows and flowers and unicorns and his little brother laughing and everybody smiling and it works! You know how I know it works? Because I use to do that as a kid. I also told him to pray about it. He does. Shortly after, he's asleep. I don't like him to stay the night at anyone's house because it breaks him of his routine and he's not old enough to make the correct choices for himself. I know that when he didn't have a routine before and he would stay the night over places he would always come home kicking and screaming telling me he hated me. Since the routine has been in place for a while and we've practice better discipline methods all I hear now is "Mom, you are a great mom." and "I love you" like 15 random times during the day. My heart swells with joy every time I hear those words.
Next I want to talk about diet. I try so hard to get my 6 year old to eat what I put in front of him. It takes persistence just about every night. He really wants to be able to choose his own food every night. I think it's because I used to live by a rule that is terrible to live by if you've got little ones. I used to say as long as he's eating something I'm not worried. Well, that's all fine and dandy but I noticed all he wanted was junk like ramen noodles, cheese puffs, and fruit snacks and corn dogs and ice cream and soda or pop what ever you wanna call it. I do not let him drink caffeinated beverages ever! He is a child he has enough energy.
It's been a real struggle working with him on his diet. I try to have him help me in the kitchen making food as much as possible so that he knows what he is eating and he takes pride in work that he's done and wants to taste his food. We've recently made a new rule that if he gets to the table and immediately says it looks disgusting then he doesn't get to watch his cartoons for 1 week and he gets a time out. I also let him know that it hurts my feelings when I've put so much work into making a healthy well balance mean every night and that's the response I get. I asked him if he worked on something really hard like a drawing or a coloring and he gave it to me and I said it looked ugly and he did a terrible job, how would he feel? That struck something in him because he looked sad that he said the food I prepared was disgusting before he even tasted it and he gave me a hug and said he was very sorry for making me feel that way. I explained to him that I only want the best for him and I wouldn't feed him food that was so terrible he couldn't eat it. We have been slowly improving this area in our lives. As for my littlest one, well, he eats anything and everything. I don't make sour faces when I'm feeding him veggies like I did with my oldest. I would, for some reason, think that babies don't like baby food vegetable and meats because I thought it was gross. Well, I didn't realize back then that I was acclimated to salty foods myself and thought baby foods were bland and I didn't think that my baby needed to eat things that tasted bland to me. Wow, I was totally wrong. I literally did not know the first thing about parenting with my first child. Now, I have grown to research things and have taken college courses to learn more about children and parenting and I've even seen 2 child psychologists that have helped me understand my children better and have helped me become the mother I am today.
Growing up I always had a t.v. I don't remember sitting in front of it 24/7 because my parents had activities planned for us and the t.v. seemed to be their thing to watch news and sports games. Every once in a while we would watch movies on it. So I didn't really think about t.v. as being such a problem and getting my own place I would think of cable as a necessary bill until I noticed some behavioral differences in my 6 year old. I used to think the t.v. was a free babysitter. Ha! Was I wrong. I started seeing the ads and the messages that were coming through on some cartoons and began to think a little wiser. I actually got rid of all my t.v.'s for 2 years. I recently bought a t.v. to be able to do the Dance Central 2 and Kinect adventures on Xbox 360 with Kinect. I have rabbit ears for the t.v. so I can watch the news. Well, now my son of course wants to watch t.v. every chance he gets. I have to make him go play in his room or outside and he only gets a certain allotted amount of time to watch t.v. I heard there were some studies done that showed the brain waves at their lowest while watching t.v., even lower than when a person sleeps. So when my child watches t.v. now, it has to be educational and only for 1-2 hours a day. It's the same with video games. The video games are included in that 1-2 hours a day.
I'm trying to be everything that my children need. I have my slip ups every once in a while. But like I said I am not the perfect mother. And please don't think I am judging anyone's parenting because they don't do it my way. Everyone is different and that's what makes people so great! There's always work to be done and ways to improve.
One of my friends posted this poem on Facebook and I thought it would put a nice touch to this blog.
You are who you are for a reason.
You’re part of an intricate plan.
You’re a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God’s special woman or man.
You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb.
You’re just what He wanted to make.
The parents you had were the ones He chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God’s plan in mind,
And they bear the Master’s seal.
No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into His likeness you’d grow.
You are who you are for a reason,
You’ve been formed by the Master’s rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!
by Russell Kelfer
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